...in with the scary.
I am in the midst of purging almost everything I own, in preparation for a major downsize to an apartment in Manhattan. This is both scary, and totally liberating.
Today I had a garage sale. Selling stuff, stuff that used to be so important to me, stuff that has memories attached to it, put me in a very vulnerable state. As I watched people come and go...some almost turning their nose up to my stuff - it hurt.
And it also didn't.
Stuff doesn't define me. Or you. We get so wrapped up in all of it that I believe it becomes difficult to separate ourselves from it. I hate stuff. You wouldn't know that from the amount I have. I wish I could just throw a few items in a backpack and travel the entire world that way. Just essential items, a camera, and a journal.
In reality, I have accumulated so much because when someone gives me something, I am so grateful I cannot part with it. I appreciate it that someone has thought of me...and I can't just give that away. Yet, the thing isn't as important as the thought. And the thought is a lot easier to carry in this life.
I am scared on so many levels right now...about the move, about all of the change, about finding a place and selling a place, about letting go of the past and embracing the future. I am scared about what I am leaving. The range of emotion actually occurs on a minute-by-minute basis.
So, there's a big part of this whole process that I just have to be cold to. I have to shut off emotion and just focus on tasks. Checking things off lists. Not thinking about that moment when I find myself sitting on the floor of my NYC apartment (sans furniture) - alone.
This is what defines us in life instead of stuff. Fear. Courage. Taking risks. Moving forward.
It could be an utter disaster. Or it could be the best thing I have ever done. I don't know what the future holds, but I know this - the people in my life, the ones who love me like I love them, will stay in my life no matter where I go. They are the substance of what defines me, and they travel with me everywhere...
in my heart.
4 comments:
This post made me think that we all really are alone in ways. No one knows all the things we think about.
I am with you on just keeping everything in a backpack and traveling the world. I could care less about my house and everything in it. I'd throw out 90% of the crap in here, but sadly the wife and me are not on the same page as far as that goes. :)
Good luck with everything, I am sure you will be fine. :)
yep! Check another blog called Miss Minimalist for some tips. Living with less is both liberating and scary. I am also into purging stuff right now which is tough.
There's a zen theory that we have an equal relationship with our posessions. They own us just as much as we own them. My thing is tools. The more tools I buy, the more I have feel like I have to fix something when it breaks, or make home repairs, or build furniture for the kids. Sell the tools and my excuse (and the responsibility) is gone. And I'll have the cash to buy kids furniture. But I can't bring myself to part with the tools.
That is a great post! I wish you the best and I know you will do great no matter where you go.
Good luck and all the best in your new adventure! Are the dogs going with you?
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