One Day at a Time

I feel as though I walk around right now with my arms wrapped around me, clinging to my sides, protecting me from all things hurtful, confusing, and disorienting.

I mentioned before I am broken-hearted. That sounds like a true cliche. Suffice it to say, it does not feel like that in my own life. I know, deep down, that things will start to get better. For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful that tomorrow is a better day.

I love my job. There's that.

Everything else will fall into place over time. This blog used to be my outlet as I navigated the crazy world of endurance sport and completed my first Ironman. Yes, I said first. I will be back again someday.

I return to my blog now in hopes of finding answers to so many of the questions that keep me awake at night. The questions I have are truly fundamental. Does true love exist? Can you ever completely trust anyone? If you give, and give, and give of yourself...will you eventually find yourself with someone who can give in return? How can someone claim they love you, while they cut you deeper than anyone else ever has?

Am I naive to believe in people? To believe in love? To believe that if I unconditionally love, I will be unconditionally loved in return?

Am I being too philosophical?

Perhaps.

These next 2 weeks I am really, really busy with work. Traveling this week and all of next...Chicago, LA, NYC, Washington D.C. It will be really, really good to be out on the road and away from Madison. For a million reasons, and 1 big one - it will give me perspective.

Right now, the blog will be a little less about sport, a little more about life. This is just what I need. This is comfort.

Just Me

I got into the pool and I swam...for the first time in 2 years.

I doubt anyone still reads my blog, especially since I haven't posted in over a year. So this post is for me.

I swam.

I swam 1,000 yards.

I loved it.

I don't know what I'm doing. I only know this - my life is a mess. I am a mess. For the past 2 years - life has been complicated. And that, is an understatement.

So I woke up this morning and I said - that's enough.

It's time to get back in the pool. The pool, for me, is the most peaceful place on earth. Maybe it's because when I dip my head in the water I can only hear 3 things...my heartbeat, my breath, and splashing. No music. No words. No voices.

Not even the ones in my head. In the water, it all goes away. It's just me. It's just the water. And thank god for that.

If I could spend the next year in the pool - I would do that. I need a break from people and reality and a broken, broken heart. A devastated, destroyed, broken heart.

So here I am. This post is for me. This post is for a new beginning. This post is for the putting the past behind me and moving forward.

Just me.